BLAIR IS NEW PM

CONTROVERSY is surrounding the outcome of yesterday's General Election. Confusing ballot papers are being blamed for the result which saw Labour completely wiped out of the Commons, and the Label Party take government.

"This is a victory for democracy," said a jubilant Lionel Blair, the new Prime Minister.

In every constituency the newly-formed Label Party fielded candidates with similar names to their Labour opponents. Frank Dobson was defeated by actress Anita Dobson, Claire Short has been ousted by chess champion Nigel Short, and former Chancellor Gordon Brown has been replaced by Gordon the Big Engine.

There were further upsets as former Deputy PM John Prescott was voted out in favour of Mr Blobby, a sack of straw takes over from Jack Straw, and Robin Cook is replaced by a small gnome sitting on a toadstool.



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Watch out for a wobbly warm front dawdling its way across the country tomorrow, more especially in the morning.